Hate #1

Seagulls, you bunch of feathered bastards, squawking at dawn. I wish I had a hunting rifle.

One Step Beyond!

A kid was bit by an adder in the new forest the other week. I feel inclined to go to the new forest and bite an adder now.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and there is good reason for that. I finally finished Uni, it was alright. We celebrated and all that, had a good final day, I honestly don’t think it could have been better. But now, after a week, I m fed up. I’m aimless; I’ve got nothing to do. I’ve jotted down some things I want to do before I leave Southampton for good. What gives me meaning? My writing. What do I like to talk about? Ideas. I try to challenge myself.

If I think of myself in stages, and for some strange reason, I kind of do. I am at the pinnacle of myself, there is no greater challenge than yourself and besting your past efforts. I could destroy my past iterations. I think of what I’ve done, having the most boring year out, travelling two hours a day, five times a week to go to college. University is more of a lesson for life than it is degrees, and that’s lucky because by degree won’t get me a job. I’ve learnt how to look after myself.  I am smarter, faster, stronger, overall more rounded person.

I’m currently in a limbo, between different steps of life. The next one is familiar and at the same time not, I’ll be back in my old surroundings, but at the same time I cannot go and enjoy all the comforts, because I have to get somewhere. I owe it to myself. I can’t be like people I went to school with, they went through what I’ve been through and now they’ve hit a plateau in life. These are people who are smarter than me, one step ahead, and they just stop and get a job. That’s pretty much it. Why give up? Why now? You have to keep pushing forward to get what you want. That thing between the people who you look up to and the person you are, it’s a barrier, and that is you. I won’t give up.

Three years didn’t end on a whimper. But with a powerful explanation point, for my friends, and the many, many people I feel indifferent about, cheers. You can’t ape the experience.