Eyes

I think I've lost a few pounds since going off bread, 6 at most.

But here is the weird thing. It is dress down friday at work, so I put on my token Hollister t-shirt and through out the day go about my business.

Never have I been objectified (eye raped), it's pretty shocking. Not complaining, but nothing I've ever been through before.

There are no words for how I feel about this.

Coconut pancakes

Coconut flour, coconut oil, coconut milk, vanilla extract, water and honey with three eggs.

Could've watered the first one down for more pancakes. Two is enough. I get to eat tomorrow morning, not many people in this world can say that.

A great first attempt and different to my mashed banana and 2 egg pancake.

So far coconut flour and cacoa powder have been my saving grace over the past weekend.

Goodbye/.

I got tricked into eating wheat today. I guess I go back to square one in my developing diet. Oh well, I've been off bread and milk for something like fourteen days.

I'm having eggs for breakfast the majority. ALso nobody gives a shit about this, but eh. I don't have much to write about. I don't do drama except on the page.

I've started downloading loads of loads of Soundtracks recently as well as Skyworld from TSFH which I didn't know was released last year. So I have something to listen to when I'm writing that doesn't include words. I'm having a little spending spree in this regard.

I will curb my money losing spree soon.

I am looking forward to doing more writing to this playlist that I will be growing.

It's time to fall in love with writing again. Today is another day where I told myself (whilst at work) this is not where I deserve to be. Deserve is a word of entitlement, clearly. I am entitled to it, but only if I work for it. There is one thing to dream of success, and I do. Every day. I want to work with actors who spout my lines from their lips and talk with them about character motivations, how they could say a line faster, slower, roll that word with their tongue, don't shout, whisper it. Rehearse, find a way to tailor characters to actors and vice versa.

Their is a hole in quality of writing in film. It is one thing to say that, but it is also another thing to break that mould. Failure is easy, at every step of your life. The best I can hope to do is learn from it, get a funny story from it and move on.

I have moaned where is my tribe, I have asked do I have nothing left to give. My original working title for my next screenplay was Pure Escapism, I knew it was not something that would describe the story. Yet, it is how I feel the project is for me. An escape from your work life, to reject the rules of the grown up world of wage slaves, to be free from the offices and be at peace in meadows.

It is hard to be honest in my current workplace, I don't hate the people, I honestly like them. It hurts to know that this is the place where their stories may end. I can not save these people, I don't think they want to be saved. They may be happy, but I am imprisoned in this shell of a thing that we consider to be a part of our humanity.

If life is for living, then why is there such a thing as life insurance?

Where is my tribe? When is my time? Why do people accept their fates too easily?

I hate being told what to do, how is it I am in that position now. I will not survive in a place like this. I'm starting a jail break, are you in?