Tony Hancocks Head

I guess I'm a one track mind person. All this time, I've been walking to work, I never noticed Tony Hancocks massive head staring at me.

Work is getting a little more stressful, I am of the opinion, actually this is a rule.

Rule #1: No matter how much you are upset about something or someone. Never take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it.

This has been happening to me too often. Why I am being used as the target is that I am an open guy, I like to talk. Obviously the girl at work who seemed to be friendly at the start, seems to have grown tired of me, and likes to be a bit of a cunt.

I understand that we are from different cultures, essentially different worlds even though we live within a large radius around Birmingham. I can't help but feel that she is scuppered by how I am and how I act, and how we can't accept each others norms.

I can't help it, she can't help it.

One thing is for sure, when I put a team meeting together when our team leader is away. I don't expect to be told repeatedly that I interrupted her from doing work. Well, you know what fuck you. I help you with your job. I respect you. I expect respect in turn.

I know how I come across to people, but treat me as a child if you will. That is a big mistake.

Disregard my role and don't help me out. That just pisses me off.

If she pulls this shit again, I will talk to her face to face. Obviously I haven't got the guts at the moment. I'm blogging about it and using tact by passing on this to my colleague who would have passed it over to her.

She likes to winge about her job to me. I can't complain about my job, because she doesn't give a shit. I have had enough.

I know I'll have no one on my side, because I don't moan. Grit your teeth and do your fucking job.

This is a dickish thought. But thank god I have more talent than her. She has the worst designs an artist has ever made. I would not be doing a crime if I discouraged her from persuing it.


 I know I am feeling sociopathic, I know this doesn't reflect well on me. But Nobody gives a shit about me at work, so I am letting it all out here.

I am not going to be there forever. I honestly hope she is.

Stop getting motivated

Success and failure is dependant on whether you take action. If you don't take action then you will succeed at that, but fail at everything else.

I'm tired of being a loser.

There is only so long you can read things and watch things about getting motivated before you get something done.

Stop wasting your fucking life like everyone else, you have a head start by doing what you want, because plenty of other people don't want this as much as you do.

I'm 12 stone 8 from 13 stone 10 from around 40ish days ago. It wasn't even hard and I'm not trying to lose weight, I just follow some simple principles and it works.

Small steps.

Eyes

I think I've lost a few pounds since going off bread, 6 at most.

But here is the weird thing. It is dress down friday at work, so I put on my token Hollister t-shirt and through out the day go about my business.

Never have I been objectified (eye raped), it's pretty shocking. Not complaining, but nothing I've ever been through before.

There are no words for how I feel about this.

Coconut pancakes

Coconut flour, coconut oil, coconut milk, vanilla extract, water and honey with three eggs.

Could've watered the first one down for more pancakes. Two is enough. I get to eat tomorrow morning, not many people in this world can say that.

A great first attempt and different to my mashed banana and 2 egg pancake.

So far coconut flour and cacoa powder have been my saving grace over the past weekend.

Goodbye/.

I got tricked into eating wheat today. I guess I go back to square one in my developing diet. Oh well, I've been off bread and milk for something like fourteen days.

I'm having eggs for breakfast the majority. ALso nobody gives a shit about this, but eh. I don't have much to write about. I don't do drama except on the page.

I've started downloading loads of loads of Soundtracks recently as well as Skyworld from TSFH which I didn't know was released last year. So I have something to listen to when I'm writing that doesn't include words. I'm having a little spending spree in this regard.

I will curb my money losing spree soon.

I am looking forward to doing more writing to this playlist that I will be growing.

It's time to fall in love with writing again. Today is another day where I told myself (whilst at work) this is not where I deserve to be. Deserve is a word of entitlement, clearly. I am entitled to it, but only if I work for it. There is one thing to dream of success, and I do. Every day. I want to work with actors who spout my lines from their lips and talk with them about character motivations, how they could say a line faster, slower, roll that word with their tongue, don't shout, whisper it. Rehearse, find a way to tailor characters to actors and vice versa.

Their is a hole in quality of writing in film. It is one thing to say that, but it is also another thing to break that mould. Failure is easy, at every step of your life. The best I can hope to do is learn from it, get a funny story from it and move on.

I have moaned where is my tribe, I have asked do I have nothing left to give. My original working title for my next screenplay was Pure Escapism, I knew it was not something that would describe the story. Yet, it is how I feel the project is for me. An escape from your work life, to reject the rules of the grown up world of wage slaves, to be free from the offices and be at peace in meadows.

It is hard to be honest in my current workplace, I don't hate the people, I honestly like them. It hurts to know that this is the place where their stories may end. I can not save these people, I don't think they want to be saved. They may be happy, but I am imprisoned in this shell of a thing that we consider to be a part of our humanity.

If life is for living, then why is there such a thing as life insurance?

Where is my tribe? When is my time? Why do people accept their fates too easily?

I hate being told what to do, how is it I am in that position now. I will not survive in a place like this. I'm starting a jail break, are you in?

The revamped bread blog

I never expected the blog to take a turn in the direction of Bread. I dislike it now, so I must hate ducks, pigeons, pretty much all birds.

Quite honestly I've done fine without it up to now.

Oh well, seeing friends this weekend. That'll help me feel better.

Today, I feel terrible. I've been off bread for 6 days and I think I am acquiring carb flu as I haven't had much of any gluten or complex carbohydrates in that time period apart from a fork of spaghetti earlier.

I feel somewhere between headache and sleepy. Fucking carb flu.


On the bright side, I'm listening to The Von Bondies in yonks. Great band.