Failure #4

I had the chance to direct a scene yesterday. My direction worked in ways and failed in knowing what I wanted exactly, then missing some coverage shots of the area, due to rain.

It came together quite smoothly in the editing though.

Failure 3

The failure to act. To endure procrastination in the works or other people. To not progress, to grow stagnant.

That is my chief failure. That is everyone's chief failure.

I always know what I am going to do, but I never act upon it. A shame for the sperm and the egg that "won".

Failure #2

The 100 failures continues. I struggle with writing. It has been stated in the blog, so many times that people have stopped reading it, because that is all I have to say.

Struggling to get three pages down in roughly 30 minutes, is pretty bad by my standards. This is a massive journey for me. Much like Joe Campbell's monomyth that is used in films today, I am trying to follow the path and live that pattern.

This is not a fun thing to do. It shouldn't be fun all the time. Self doubt set in, as it usually does. Thinking what is wrong with the script and how to improve it for the next draft. The next draft?! I'm only 18 pages into the second draft. I need to push that out of my mind. Failure never leaves you, you just learn to accept it more I suppose.

My target for what the film should be is not fitting with the words I splutter onto the keyboard. Something good will come of it, I just have to accept that this draft will suck as well.

There is something in my head that is becoming stronger and it is just telling me to just stop and do something else.

It is believing that people think you are an idiot. I have to stop believing and rise above it. I will not become the person I want to be.

The second failure isn't my script. It is myself, I am a constant failure. That is fine. I don't hate myself. Unlike in stories. I will never succeed. I just have to be a less consistent failure.The only choice I have is to drag myself kicking and screaming. Because sitting around at home, will not improve me.

This is a repost.

Failure #1

This failure 1 and a very small one at that. Skipping rope. Something I taught myself to do in my late teens, because, well... Boxers do it. It took time till it became second nature to get the timing right. I've come back to it again and again, adding different things each time.

So I went back to skipping for a 7 minutes. Running would antagonise my recovering knee, so this was the alternative. I decided to try that trick where you swing the rope to one side of you and then bring it back to jump over it. That worked, tried the other side. Kept trying that to get it down.

Then I decided double jumps, took a lot of attempts and counting up to 10, prior to doing it. Mixed those moves into a routine.

Rested.

Why the fuck don't I try triple jumps. The success rate wasn't high at first. After my time for training was up. I just wanted to keep going. I can do this. Even my lungs couldn't stop me from trying over and over. It wasn't just determination that pushed me, it was seeing what was possible. If people can squats three times their bodyweight, I can do triple jumps.

I achieved my goal. It was impossible to stop, I can do more. So I kept doing triple jumps on their own. After however many times, I decided to see if I could do it and then keep going. I got that.

In all my life I didn't imagine I could do this. Is it a necessary skill, no. I think it adds nothing more to my life apart from the chemical high that comes from doing things like this.

Failure #1 - Triple skips

Jotted down 5 pages for my screenplay. I have learnt one thing from this. Never show anyone your first draft. I could possibly write another 4 today, depending on how the rest of the day goes. I can't wait to figure out my second draft, it will be fucking amazing.

What did I learned from skipping was to approach it not with numbers or time, but technique. This led me to focus on getting it right no matter how many times I failed. This is working out.

100 Failures

I am not planning on succeeding at anything at the moment. However I am planning on failing at a hundred things. This is simply inverting my thought process and making the goal more manageable.

The reason for this is that consecutively failing would make me a better person, than focusing on getting things 100% right.

99% perspiration, 1% inspiration.