I just couldn't be bothered to do all the little things that have helped me be a better person up to now.
As I write this I remember the things I have learnt. Trying to find the best version of yourself is like like a Diet Version Prometheus, except I can give up.
In my life so far, I have seen or heard of people I know, just give up on the dreams. That is the most depressing thing I have ever heard. Wild animals have dreams, usually to eat and have sex. Let's focus on the hunt for food, we all know what happens to lions if they don't capture anything, they die slowly from malnutrition and starvation. Surely giving up on a dream no matter what leads to malnutrition and starvation for your mind and then in turn, your body.
What I find difficult is that someone I work with has goals, just like me. Yet, she struggles. A common theme in everything. Yet, when she's not doing well, she tries to drag you down, feel bad about yourself, lash out. Because she struggles, she feels everybody else should. I really want to tell her to fuck off, because she is like a tumour to everyone around her. She is a motivation vacuum.
If you knew this person outside of work, you would avoid them. If you do work with them, you will face big challenges. I don't discourage, I also try to give her support. She on the other hand has no clue, how to support others. She is self involved, she only talks about herself (more than me).
I can feel she will throw in the towel soon. I can't be like her, I can be like the people who fall into the paradigm of a mundane life. I'm getting back to editing my script.
I have no motivation right now, other than fear. Fear that I'll end up like them, sucking the colour of life from you.
